Thursday, June 09, 2005
Im in NY!
So im in New York, thats pretty bad ass. Just checked out a place called Saratoga, very cool town. I went to a dance club that was a five story dance club. Bad ass, well anyway, mroe to update later. Peace.
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
i cant believe it.
I just got some of the most exciting news of my life. But it worries me because something bad can always happen. My life has been changing a lot lately, i just hope everything keeps going well. The only thing that hasnt progressed rapidly is my debt, still sucks terribly. Im going to apply for a loan soon to try to consolidate some of it, ill only be able to get 5K max because thats all my jeep is worth, and of course that is the only collateral that ive got. 5K will allow me to consolidate two of the three remaining debts, thus eliminating one more of my bills each month and, it will save me on out going cost each month. Ex: Two payments of three hundred or two payments of two hundred..two definitely sounds better. Plus im dying to get my own apt again, i love being around my mom n sister n all, but i really need to get my life moving again. This debt is stopping my life from existing. I hate it and everything it stands for, i should hvae listened to my mother a year ago when i moved back here and jsut filed bankruptcy. Everyone says, no no thats stupid, ..no..its ignorant not to. I was a fool to be so noble. Now look at me? A year later still broke, still stumbling, save cavities in my mouth, same worn out tires on my jeep, same broken radio. I could have bought a new car if i wanted to if i had filed, gotten a new beautiful apartment, even gotten a gf. I could be happy, but no...Everyone thinks its so bad, thats becuse you dont know anything about it. I researched it..you can have everything wiped off your records withing 2 months as if youj didnt even file bankruptcy at all. And if you couldnt, Credit agencies are eager to approve anyone that has a bankruptcy on their credit history because they know that youd have to wait up to seven years (depend on which form of bankruptcy you choose to do) to do it again hence, obligating you by law to pay no matter what...so why wouldnt they give you that new car? or house? or apt. Filing would hvae been the best thing i could have done for myself after all the hell i went through, but instead..i prolonged it and have wasted another year of my life sitting at home wishing i was somewhere else. But hey, at least Vera will be here next month...yeah..you heard me...here. In Ohio, All summer Long. I think thats the happiest news a guy like me could have ever heard...
Thursday, January 20, 2005
Rest well my friend...
http://www.nbc4i.com/news/4107921/detail.html
I had typed out a long and lengthy explaination of who Eric was and what he was like, and what had happened today for all of us at Target. My cpu locked up and i lost it all. I cant go through that again so i will just say that Eric was one of a kind. He was on his way to work, the accident took place just before the exit for the building off 29. He almost made it. All of inbound was let go today to mourn in the loss our friend. He was such a great guy to have around. Always made us laugh no matter how bad his day was...I can never find the words.. Its always the good ones that have to go...rest well buddy, rest well..
Well be holding a dedication gathering in his honor in which we will all be drinking his favorite drink. Old Crow Whiskey. Goodbye Eric, i hope you have all the whiskey you need now man...
I had typed out a long and lengthy explaination of who Eric was and what he was like, and what had happened today for all of us at Target. My cpu locked up and i lost it all. I cant go through that again so i will just say that Eric was one of a kind. He was on his way to work, the accident took place just before the exit for the building off 29. He almost made it. All of inbound was let go today to mourn in the loss our friend. He was such a great guy to have around. Always made us laugh no matter how bad his day was...I can never find the words.. Its always the good ones that have to go...rest well buddy, rest well..
Well be holding a dedication gathering in his honor in which we will all be drinking his favorite drink. Old Crow Whiskey. Goodbye Eric, i hope you have all the whiskey you need now man...
Monday, January 03, 2005
E-mail from Cousin Frankie in Bagdad
hello everyone, On thurs, jan. 5, between 5pm -7pm, CNN and the army TV station is doing a piece on the search and rescue unit that I belong to, last wed. when a building was bombed and people were trapped. the search & rescue team responded. I spent all night digging people out. Everything on TV is negative. the army sees this as something positive so they are showing the people back home we are doing something good, I will not be on TV, they only wanted 3 people, so the major picked the 2 guys who freed one of the victims. Check it out and let me know, how it went. see you laterlove frank
Friday, December 31, 2004
A happy e-mail from Vera
Its 2005 year here now :) an um im drunk : lol sorry i ust wanted to say you are my best friend .
Love that girl...Peace.
Love that girl...Peace.
Thursday, December 23, 2004
The Story that won 500 dollars.
Ok, it is time now. Ive been waiting for the right time to post this story. Im not really sure why, but i have a few ideas. For those of you that thought i was full of shit, you can kiss my ass because here it is. Enjoy. oh btw, I should explain a few things. lick me on the song part, i wrote this in two seconds, you do better? I made the name Dominic up, and most importantly, i had to skip a bunch of parts because of length guidlines. I tried to smoothe it out the best i could, but you can still tell that it jumps around a little. ok thats enough. Peace.
Today, like every other day before it, Im lost and lonely, have nowhere to go. I wander aimlessly about the world. What will I do? Where will I go? These questions constantly plaguing me. Everywhere i go is a dead end. This endless nothingness is all that is my life. Is this all there is for me? I wonder. Am I supposed to die a broken man? I just want to disappear. With my pockets empty, and my head hanging low, i continue walking with nothing but a guitar strapped to my back.
I reflect on my life, all the times i was not so alone. I struggle with the memories. Not as if they are hard to recall but more so hard to think about. My life has been an endless pit of pain; for one reason or another, and ive been falling for such a long long time. Every day, i play my guitar, talk to people i call friends. Its always "how was your day?". "eh, ok". I dont think ive ever been able to say "good!" or "great!". Nobody ever asked why. I usually continue by asking how things are going. Mostly, i think people like me to be around because i usually listen to their issues. I love helping people, there is no greater joy to me. Ill write a song about them or their situation, how it must have felt. In the end, the person is usually happier, more calm, relaxed. Ive done my purpose.
With all of these memories, i have not one of someone doing the same for me. Ive never asked, nor have i expected it, but if im helping all these people...whos helping me? Who can i go to to talk to? What do i do with all of the issues in my life? All these questions, with no answers. I supposed its a cycle, and my vent is to help someone else. So I move on...and keep walking. Looking for a place that will change my life, looking for something to stop this endless path of lonliness. You never know what could make the difference.
While i was walking, I became bored and needed money. I needed a place to rest. I approached a small cafe. "Hmm..", i think. "I wonder if they would pay to hear a few songs". Not knowing or expecting what was about to happen, I walk up the few steps and reach for the door handle.
Just then the door flies open. I was startled and took a quick step back, not remembering the steps i had just climbed to reach the door. I fell backwards breaking my fall on the hardshell case my guitar resides in. Dazed by my decent, i roled over immediately worried that i had damaged my only possession and means of income. I rested myself on one knee and begin to pull the case off my back; as i heard the sound of a histerical voice and shuttering heels. I looked up puzzled, not knowing what language i just heard or what i would see.
It was a girl, she was wearing a sundress that was lightly breezing...,the heels she was wearing excentuated the most amazing pair of legs imaginable. Long, smoothe, sexy...perfect. I could not see her face, she was standing in the sun just so all i could see was an outline. A figure. "Oh dumnezeul meu esti bine?" she exclaims. Puzzled, I raised my hand to try to block out the sun just as she quickly squated down to inspect my guitar case now lying in front of me.
"Oh my god", i think to myself. I almost fell backwards again, but caught myself just in time. Long dark hair well maintained, her skin smoothe as silk. She looked up at me with the most beautiful eyes ive ever seen. I was lost, speechless. She repeated herself, "E?ti bine?". She looked at me so curiously through these cute little glasses that hung off her nose. "Im sorry, i dont understand what you're saying", i replied. "oh..i say..are you...ok?", she smiles as if proud of herself. Still shocked by this i stuttered to reply "oh..wow..thats cool, yeah...yeah im fine..i think". "Is u guitar broke", she asks. "Well if it is then lets hope i can fix it." I continued to open the case and found it to be unharmed. "There see, nothing to worry about", i explained. "Oh good, im so relieved", she says. "I not have money to buy new one". Grinning for her concern i simply said "eh..you probably would have been doing me a favor". She looked at me confused, not knowing how to respond. The uncomfortable silence led me to bud in and ask "so, where you heading in such a hurry?". "uuf, home finally, i just come here on fridays to get my mind off work so i can enjoy the weekend". "I must be going now, im glad you are ok...and u guitar". "Thanks!, yeah..fine!..not a scratch!", i exclaimed as she walked away. "*Sigh*...yeah..no problem..., i meet this amazing girl and all i can say is "not a scratch"... im such an idiot". I looked around still standing in front of the cafe, and decided to try to enter again..I dusted myself off and headed for the door only this time hesitating for a second as i reached for the knob. I entered.
It was a nice little place, peaceful it seemed. The smell of coffee beans and cake surrounded every corner. I walked to the counter to ask if they would like some relaxing music to add to the relaxing atmosphere. The worker replied "Well we dont usually hire anyone, but our busiest nights are nights like tonight, so if you want to come back next week you can play if you want over in that there corner by the window." "Next friday!?" I asked. "Well yeah, but i aint gonna be promisin much money to ya if ya come". "No, of course not. Thats great, ill see you next friday!". I hurried out the door to work on some new ideas for a song...i think i finally know what i want to say.
Day after day, the time seemed like forever. Going from place to place, trying to keep warm. I eventually passed back by the cafe, i noticed the name. It was called "Dove i Sogni Diventano Realta". "Interesting, i thought, "i wonder what it means". Finally, its friday. I can hardly wait. My heart is pounding. I was so nervous that I got there 2 hours early just to be sure i wouldnt be late.
People began to come. I waited, more people i thought "be patient". It was now about the time that i saw her, "she should be here by now", i pondered. The coffee maker nudges me "you should probably get started". "Oh..ok", i replied..."right away". I picked up my guitar and started to play. It was the saddest sound i think i had had in years. All eyes were on me as i sat on my stool guitar in hand. I begin to sing the words. The song i had written for that very angel that knocked me on my ass just a week ago. My words are deep, soft, slow :
"As I gaze into your eyes...
I want to hold you in my arms
To come together like a scattered puzzle,
and fall victim to your charms.
All i want to do is touch your face.
Gently caress your soft skin only grazing with my fingers.... down the side... of your beautiful face.
Ill present you with my hand in dance, and as we dance there will be peace in both our worlds.
The music will disipate, surroundings will turn black, its just you and I dancing in the light."
Just as I finished, i opened my eyes in the direction of the front door. There she was standing, motionless. Her hand covering her mouth. Our eyes locked, she grinned and casually took a seat. I excused myself and walked over to her. She looked up at me again with the most amazing expression as if she was thinking "please sit down, please sit down". So i asked her, "May i join you? or would you prefer to knock me down first?". She laughed and kicked the chair out from under the table. I took a seat. "My name is Dominic, but most people call me Dom". "Its very nice to meet you Domi, my name is Mary.", she replies. "Hmm, Domi huh..i can get used to that." It was the only thing i could think of to say. She laughed, "it seems u guitar is working good". "Oh yeah, i guess so".
As the evening progressed, we talked for hours. The next thing i knew the store was closing. The coffee maker was asking us to leave so we reluctantly climbed to our feet and walked to the door. "Ladies first of course", i held the door open for her. "Thanks You", she replied. As we stood outside we looked at each other, wondering what would happen next. So she says "well, maybe ill see you next week then?"... "Yeah maybe"..i said hanging my head. "Ok..well..goodbye.."..she begins to walk away. "Hey!", i shouted. "Yes?" she turned around abruptly. "You see the name of this place?", "Yes", "What does it mean?". She giggles ever so adorably "It means "Where dreams come true". "Oh..", i replied, "Interesting"..."Will you walk home with me?" she asks. "Wha..pshi..I..um..well...yeah..i mean..if you want..i guess..i". She grabbed my arm and said "come".
To this day, we have not left each others side, and i have walked no further. You see dreams do come true... I finally had a reason to stop. Someday, well all find our own little coffee shop.
Today, like every other day before it, Im lost and lonely, have nowhere to go. I wander aimlessly about the world. What will I do? Where will I go? These questions constantly plaguing me. Everywhere i go is a dead end. This endless nothingness is all that is my life. Is this all there is for me? I wonder. Am I supposed to die a broken man? I just want to disappear. With my pockets empty, and my head hanging low, i continue walking with nothing but a guitar strapped to my back.
I reflect on my life, all the times i was not so alone. I struggle with the memories. Not as if they are hard to recall but more so hard to think about. My life has been an endless pit of pain; for one reason or another, and ive been falling for such a long long time. Every day, i play my guitar, talk to people i call friends. Its always "how was your day?". "eh, ok". I dont think ive ever been able to say "good!" or "great!". Nobody ever asked why. I usually continue by asking how things are going. Mostly, i think people like me to be around because i usually listen to their issues. I love helping people, there is no greater joy to me. Ill write a song about them or their situation, how it must have felt. In the end, the person is usually happier, more calm, relaxed. Ive done my purpose.
With all of these memories, i have not one of someone doing the same for me. Ive never asked, nor have i expected it, but if im helping all these people...whos helping me? Who can i go to to talk to? What do i do with all of the issues in my life? All these questions, with no answers. I supposed its a cycle, and my vent is to help someone else. So I move on...and keep walking. Looking for a place that will change my life, looking for something to stop this endless path of lonliness. You never know what could make the difference.
While i was walking, I became bored and needed money. I needed a place to rest. I approached a small cafe. "Hmm..", i think. "I wonder if they would pay to hear a few songs". Not knowing or expecting what was about to happen, I walk up the few steps and reach for the door handle.
Just then the door flies open. I was startled and took a quick step back, not remembering the steps i had just climbed to reach the door. I fell backwards breaking my fall on the hardshell case my guitar resides in. Dazed by my decent, i roled over immediately worried that i had damaged my only possession and means of income. I rested myself on one knee and begin to pull the case off my back; as i heard the sound of a histerical voice and shuttering heels. I looked up puzzled, not knowing what language i just heard or what i would see.
It was a girl, she was wearing a sundress that was lightly breezing...,the heels she was wearing excentuated the most amazing pair of legs imaginable. Long, smoothe, sexy...perfect. I could not see her face, she was standing in the sun just so all i could see was an outline. A figure. "Oh dumnezeul meu esti bine?" she exclaims. Puzzled, I raised my hand to try to block out the sun just as she quickly squated down to inspect my guitar case now lying in front of me.
"Oh my god", i think to myself. I almost fell backwards again, but caught myself just in time. Long dark hair well maintained, her skin smoothe as silk. She looked up at me with the most beautiful eyes ive ever seen. I was lost, speechless. She repeated herself, "E?ti bine?". She looked at me so curiously through these cute little glasses that hung off her nose. "Im sorry, i dont understand what you're saying", i replied. "oh..i say..are you...ok?", she smiles as if proud of herself. Still shocked by this i stuttered to reply "oh..wow..thats cool, yeah...yeah im fine..i think". "Is u guitar broke", she asks. "Well if it is then lets hope i can fix it." I continued to open the case and found it to be unharmed. "There see, nothing to worry about", i explained. "Oh good, im so relieved", she says. "I not have money to buy new one". Grinning for her concern i simply said "eh..you probably would have been doing me a favor". She looked at me confused, not knowing how to respond. The uncomfortable silence led me to bud in and ask "so, where you heading in such a hurry?". "uuf, home finally, i just come here on fridays to get my mind off work so i can enjoy the weekend". "I must be going now, im glad you are ok...and u guitar". "Thanks!, yeah..fine!..not a scratch!", i exclaimed as she walked away. "*Sigh*...yeah..no problem..., i meet this amazing girl and all i can say is "not a scratch"... im such an idiot". I looked around still standing in front of the cafe, and decided to try to enter again..I dusted myself off and headed for the door only this time hesitating for a second as i reached for the knob. I entered.
It was a nice little place, peaceful it seemed. The smell of coffee beans and cake surrounded every corner. I walked to the counter to ask if they would like some relaxing music to add to the relaxing atmosphere. The worker replied "Well we dont usually hire anyone, but our busiest nights are nights like tonight, so if you want to come back next week you can play if you want over in that there corner by the window." "Next friday!?" I asked. "Well yeah, but i aint gonna be promisin much money to ya if ya come". "No, of course not. Thats great, ill see you next friday!". I hurried out the door to work on some new ideas for a song...i think i finally know what i want to say.
Day after day, the time seemed like forever. Going from place to place, trying to keep warm. I eventually passed back by the cafe, i noticed the name. It was called "Dove i Sogni Diventano Realta". "Interesting, i thought, "i wonder what it means". Finally, its friday. I can hardly wait. My heart is pounding. I was so nervous that I got there 2 hours early just to be sure i wouldnt be late.
People began to come. I waited, more people i thought "be patient". It was now about the time that i saw her, "she should be here by now", i pondered. The coffee maker nudges me "you should probably get started". "Oh..ok", i replied..."right away". I picked up my guitar and started to play. It was the saddest sound i think i had had in years. All eyes were on me as i sat on my stool guitar in hand. I begin to sing the words. The song i had written for that very angel that knocked me on my ass just a week ago. My words are deep, soft, slow :
"As I gaze into your eyes...
I want to hold you in my arms
To come together like a scattered puzzle,
and fall victim to your charms.
All i want to do is touch your face.
Gently caress your soft skin only grazing with my fingers.... down the side... of your beautiful face.
Ill present you with my hand in dance, and as we dance there will be peace in both our worlds.
The music will disipate, surroundings will turn black, its just you and I dancing in the light."
Just as I finished, i opened my eyes in the direction of the front door. There she was standing, motionless. Her hand covering her mouth. Our eyes locked, she grinned and casually took a seat. I excused myself and walked over to her. She looked up at me again with the most amazing expression as if she was thinking "please sit down, please sit down". So i asked her, "May i join you? or would you prefer to knock me down first?". She laughed and kicked the chair out from under the table. I took a seat. "My name is Dominic, but most people call me Dom". "Its very nice to meet you Domi, my name is Mary.", she replies. "Hmm, Domi huh..i can get used to that." It was the only thing i could think of to say. She laughed, "it seems u guitar is working good". "Oh yeah, i guess so".
As the evening progressed, we talked for hours. The next thing i knew the store was closing. The coffee maker was asking us to leave so we reluctantly climbed to our feet and walked to the door. "Ladies first of course", i held the door open for her. "Thanks You", she replied. As we stood outside we looked at each other, wondering what would happen next. So she says "well, maybe ill see you next week then?"... "Yeah maybe"..i said hanging my head. "Ok..well..goodbye.."..she begins to walk away. "Hey!", i shouted. "Yes?" she turned around abruptly. "You see the name of this place?", "Yes", "What does it mean?". She giggles ever so adorably "It means "Where dreams come true". "Oh..", i replied, "Interesting"..."Will you walk home with me?" she asks. "Wha..pshi..I..um..well...yeah..i mean..if you want..i guess..i". She grabbed my arm and said "come".
To this day, we have not left each others side, and i have walked no further. You see dreams do come true... I finally had a reason to stop. Someday, well all find our own little coffee shop.
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
sign
Im so tired of everything. All the games people play. You cant trust anyone, even if you feel that you know them well, its so sad. There isnt a single good person out there..anywhere. Im jsut so tired of everything, i want so badly to be free. Just walk to earth without a bother. I want to be able to wake up in the morning and not have to worry about what might happen that day. I want to know what it is like to breathe the air around me just for the sake of the moment. I want to know what it is like to make love to a girl, someone that loves me for my faults, that loves me for me. I want something pure in my life. Something good. God, if i had money nobody would ever see me again.
